On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
