She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
