So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
