Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize