did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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