Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
