So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I want her autograph on my taint
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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