Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
