why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
