Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize