time to smoke my breakfast
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm just crazy horny about you
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i think i just lost a toe
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