I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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