so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
