he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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