Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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