youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
