"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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