is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
The beer is more important than you right now.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
