She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
