In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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