oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
