The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize