I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Damn victory sex feels great
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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