She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
