just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
