i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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