So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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