No awkward lesbian experiences without me
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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