Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
