i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
