Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize