I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
