it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
