AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
