He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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