the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
