I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
