their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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