He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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