So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
