Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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