Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
