I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
