Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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