so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
