so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
