i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
