y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
