I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
