he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize