i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
