I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
