I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
