thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
