so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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