I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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