the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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