im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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