How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize