i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
