Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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