its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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