i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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