Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
