he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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