I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
