I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize