I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize