I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
