I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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