We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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