Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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