Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
