Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
