Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
