all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
