that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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