I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
