drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
