I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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