i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
