My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
