I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
