dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
