i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
