I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
