Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
