it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
