So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
