This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize