exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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