She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
