We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
