shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My breasts were aching with rage.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
