"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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