I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
