I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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