i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
