They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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