I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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