Yo dont text me then not text me
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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