i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
