I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
