...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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